I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
