Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
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