fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Randomize
