Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
Randomize
