You can't special order awesome
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
You've changed since you got that strap on
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
