Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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