I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
Randomize
