i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
Randomize
