So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Randomize
