he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
Randomize
