Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
Randomize
