Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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