Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
Randomize
