I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
I just googled if crying burns calories
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
be right there i have to get my cape
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
