I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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