I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
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