Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Randomize
