oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
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