Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
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