I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
Randomize
