i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
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