i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
Randomize
