Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
