it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
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