he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
17 year olds will be the death of me.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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