Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
Acid is not a monday night drug
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Randomize
