Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize