Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
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