i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Randomize
