Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
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