mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
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