What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
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