My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
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