He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
My life is pants optional.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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