evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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