we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
Randomize
