Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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