i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
