yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Randomize
