its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
Randomize
