What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Randomize
