I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
Randomize
