he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
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