He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
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