think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
Randomize
