I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
