Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
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