My pussy is not your playground.
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
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