bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
Even my vagina gasped.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
MIDGETS
????
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
Randomize
