well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
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