The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
Randomize
