thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
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