Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
