what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
