Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Randomize
