what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
Randomize
