I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
Randomize
