I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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