how hairy? two words: wookie tits
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
