just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
I am naked and annoyed.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize