I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Randomize
