he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
