I'm eating all of the evidence.
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
Randomize
