i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
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