For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
Randomize
