just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
