This dress was meant to end up on your floor
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
Randomize
