You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
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