i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
