So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
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