you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
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