I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Randomize
