Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Randomize