He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
God, I missed his penis.
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