I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Randomize
