I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
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