he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
Randomize
