Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
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