forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
