We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
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