What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
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