my room smells like sperm. sweet.
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
Randomize
