She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
Randomize
