he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
Randomize
