Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
Damn victory sex feels great
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
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