My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
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