Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
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