im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
I'm way too hungover for life right now
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
Randomize
