Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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