I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
