so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
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