I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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