Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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