dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
We talked him into tasing himself.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
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