Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
Randomize
