It's a beautiful day for a hangover
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
The cops high fived after they tackled you
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
