Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
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