this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
