Why are handjobs necessary in class?
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
