too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
Randomize