the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
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