I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
