Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
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