If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
Randomize
