Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
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