You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Randomize
