I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
Randomize
