Where did you get a picture of my penis
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
