First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
My liver just had a heart attack.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
