Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
Randomize