he shaved USA in his pubs
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
