i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
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