the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
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