just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
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